Search for concrete subjects and active verbs, revising as many "to be" verbs as possible.
A few suggestions below show how specific word choice sharpens and clarifies your meaning.
Don't settle for three pages of just skimming the surface.
The opposite of a focused, narrow, crisp thesis is a broad, sprawling, superficial thesis.
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If you are writing a text that does not fall under these three categories (e.g., a narrative), a thesis statement somewhere in the first paragraph could still be helpful to your reader. Your thesis statement should be specific—it should cover only what you will discuss in your paper and should be supported with specific evidence. The thesis statement usually appears at the end of the first paragraph of a paper. Your topic may change as you write, so you may need to revise your thesis statement to reflect exactly what you have discussed in the paper.Every paper you write should have a main point, a main idea, or central message.The argument(s) you make in your paper should reflect this main idea.The sentence that captures your position on this main idea is what we call a thesis statement.A thesis statement focuses your ideas into one or two sentences.Avoid, avoid, avoid generic arguments and formula statements.They work well to get a rough draft started, but will easily bore a reader.Shape your topic so that you can get straight to the "meat" of it.Being specific in your paper will be much more successful than writing about general things that do not say much.Check to see if you need to define your terms (”socialism," "conventional," "commercialism," "society"), and then decide on the most appropriate place to do so.Do not assume, for example, that you have the same understanding of what “society” means as your reader.